My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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