Pappa wants mamma naked
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
