last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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