i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
