from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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