if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
