so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
