Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
