do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
