what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
