Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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