It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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