Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
