I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
