all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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