Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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