we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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