Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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