Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
