well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
