they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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