If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can I color on your dick again?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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