Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
