the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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