i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
be right there i have to get my cape
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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