Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
