if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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