so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
