Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
