At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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