i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
