JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Come on in and take your pants off
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