You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
