tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
