Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
