Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
