Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
