just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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