Already got asked if we're dating
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
