He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
