I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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