Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
