Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
