happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
