i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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