Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
