mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
