my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
