my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
