Welp...herpes.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
