So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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