dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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