I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
And then he peed in my hair
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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