just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
