My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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