I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
