she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
